From Food Addiction to Food Freedom in 3-months | Finally Speaking My Truth

binge eating food addiction food freedom Feb 07, 2020

What if I told you that I am a health coach who suffered from imposter syndrome for the past two years? Someone who despite my successes and many credentials, dealt with extreme self-doubt and inner turmoil. 

I proudly consider myself to be a great health coach, giving educational and insightful advice to my clients, but because of my anxiety, fear and internal struggles, I became utterly UNBALANCED. I found myself doing the opposite things that I was coaching my clients.

I wrote this blog 5 months ago..and finally mustered up enough courage and strength to say this out loud to the world, but I was battling with a binge-eating disorder, depression, and anxiety the past two years.

And after having the will to change, do some serious inner work and reach out for outside support, I've finally healed and I am the happiest I've EVER been.

Here is my story.

Being an entrepreneur and working for yourself is NOT easy.

There are tons of pressure when it comes to money, stability, content creation, being "picture-perfect", empowering others and showing up in the world as a positive role model.

On top of that, let's not forget what EVERYONE on this Earth deals with...the family issues and past traumas that can continue to creep into your life one way or another. No matter how big or small! 

The physical, mental and emotional stress took a huge toll on me. It put me in a dark place where I was stuck in a vicious cycle, gaining weight like crazy and feeling helpless.

My vicious cycle looked a little bit like this:

  • Waking up and feeling anxious
  • Overexercising and completing a "punishing" workout
  • Stressful Workday
  • Coming home and having a "Binge-eating episode"
    • [Usually on cashews, chocolate, bread, and other high-calorie comforting foods. I recall eating two bowls of cashews in under 15 minutes at times]
  • Immediate shame and guilt minutes after
  • Going to sleep feeling depressed
  • Waking up and planning my next "punishing" workout to undo the damage I did the night beforehand.

ON REPEAT. For months on end. This went on for two years. I felt like a slave to food and exercise and it was UNHEALTHY.

When I look back at pictures, you can see the inflammation and unhappiness in my face. I was swollen, puffy, carrying extra weight both physical and emotional. [I gained 20lbs or so].

It affected everything! The way I thought about every single thing in my life. It was like I was wearing glasses with a shitty filter on it, seeing life in a negative way every day.

Such a lack of self-love. And here I am..supposed to be empowering soccer players to love their bodies and inspiring others to eat healthy foods and I am overexercising, overeating and not dealing with the CRAP in my head.

I knew that I needed to change. I needed to do something different. The answer was...IT'S TIME TO GET OUTSIDE SUPPORT.

A health coach can only coach themselves up to a certain point.

*And you'll know when you're ready to want to heal. You have to want to address the stuff you're scared to. If you're resisting and "running away" from the issue, chances are it's exactly what needs to be addressed. 

As I was doing research on psychologists, I quickly learned that they are infamous for prescribing medication, not always but more often than not.

The health coach in me did not want that. I wanted to find the ROOT cause of the problem and dig deeper. 

It was almost like fate, but when visiting California, I spoke to a good friend about the psychologist search. He told me that he had been working with an "ENERGY HEALER / LIFE COACH" and he swears by him. His name is Seth Alan Taylor.

I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, THIS IS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY. THANK YOU UNIVERSE!

After texting him immediately, we set up our first call and session. He lives on the west coast so we did all of our sessions via FaceTime, once a week for 12 weeks.

AND MY LIFE HAS BEEN CHANGED EVER SINCE.

 Seth was incredible. Every session he taught me mind-blowing ways of thinking and stress-management meditations and techniques that help my anxiety.

He asked me HARD questions. Questions that got me digging deeper into my past traumas, deepest fears, and struggles.

The food binging wasn't only because I was "stressed". It was because of all the things in my life that I felt out of balance at the time. I kept repressing those feelings and negative energies deep down inside.. and they were going to keep resurfacing if I did not work through them.

In a way, I would just avoid "feeling" by using other things to help numb the pain. I used food as my medication or coping mechanism. This often leads to addictions...(In fact, that's what I felt like... a food addict).


So here was my first session with Seth...

I told him.. "I am the type of person who is go-go-go and always needs to be doing something."

He said.. "You are resisting slowing down because you don't want to feel the trauma and pain within. You are distracting yourself."
 
(YEP)
 
I told him.."I am always feeling stressed."
 
He said.. "Reframe the word STRESS with TRIGGERED." He continued..."there are things that TRIGGER you to repress the negative energy into your body and then your EGO turns on to protect itself and help you survive"
 
He then referred to this incredible analogy... "The lion and the antelope are both fast but how are they different? The antelope runs on fear. The lion runs on desire."
 
Right at that moment, I was doing things out of fear: money, stress, work, photoshoots, etc. I needed to shift this mindset to start doing things out of DESIRE...TO BE THE LION! 
 
I felt like my awareness was already improved with just minutes of the first session.
 Other things I learned were that the body works with two operating systems, EGO and SPIRIT. It is crucial for us to understand the difference between the two.
 
EGO = The main goal is to protect you!
  • Emotional trauma
  • Thinking
  • Survival
  • Tells/create stories for their actions
  • Forms attachments
  • Living in the past
  • Telling a story of healing (when you have not healed thyself)
SPIRIT = The main goal is to feel the energy and let it go immediately!
  • Feeling magnetic energies
  • Ridding those energies (before they get repressed)
  • A higher sense of self
  • Living in the present
  • Telling a story of healing because you've healed/living in your truth and practicing what you preach

When you look at this, you can truly see when your ego is running the show..and my ego was ALWAYS running the show.

 For the rest of the 12-weeks with Seth, we worked on how to connect more with my spirit (higher self) and less with my ego. 

To FEEL more.

To THINK less.

My homework was usually to practice meditating 10 min a day and to say YES to things I don't usually do to break the EGO. 

As I worked on this, I was truly feeling the negative energies within my chest and throat. Especially when I came home after work and felt triggered to EAT. Instead, I sat with my emotions and I cried. Sometimes I didn't even know why I was crying but it was like this inner sadness was just leaving my body.

As I continued to practice, I wouldn't be hungry or crave afterward...This was working!

Two notable meditations that I loved were: 

  • THE SUBWAY MEDITATION - Seth walked me through my everyday subway experience when I feel the most anxiety. He noticed my energy spiking when he would tell me to "look at the people on the train in the eyes" or "enter a highly packed car." As soon as I was triggered with something (emotion/a feeling/body pain)...we'd breathe and work through it. 
  • THE CAR MEDITATION - He walked me through a meditation where I was "observing myself". Literally, I was the spirit version of myself sitting in the back seat of the car, like an angel, putting my higher power hand on my physical self's head and giving it positive energy and light. This was really powerful..and trippy. (I want to do more of this type of meditation because I love the visualization of my calmest self "higher self" or spirit helping my physical self). It feels extremely cleansing) 

I am still learning and growing and healing on my journey but I am a completely different person than I was. Seth flipped a switch in my brain.

My awareness has grown.

My sense of self has heightened.

I learned how to block negative energies / other's EGOs

My binge-episodes have lessened by 95%.

I see life in a completely new light. 

Now, I know what Seth would say, "Don't thank me, you did the work yourself" but I truly can't thank him enough for giving me the knowledge and guided support that I needed during the hardest times of my life.

I was ready to heal and it showed.. in just 12-weeks I transformed! At the time, I lost 6 lbs without changing anything other than working on what was going on in my head.

DAMN! IT FEELS GOOD TO PUT THIS OUT THERE AND TO SPEAK MY TRUTH! 


If you are a person who is struggling internally, you are NOT ALONE. If you are finding that you have addictive personalities, see that as a sign that you are trying to "medicate" and cope with other things (like food, eating disorders, shopping, sex, working out) to avoid dealing with your problems.

I promise you that you won't EVER regret investing money and time in your mental health. If you need some advice,  have any questions or you would like to know more about my experience with an energy healer - please email me at [email protected].


My Energy Healer Contact Information

Name: Seth Alan Taylor

Websitehttp://www.sethalantaylor.com/coaching

Email: [email protected]

 

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